Video Games Helped Me Come Out

Michael Wulff discusses how games that allowed him to customize his character helped him understand his sexuality, and enabled him to be comfortable with it in the face of extreme prejudice. 

Ever since I was little I knew I was not “normal.” I never knew how to express it or what it was inside of me that made me different from everyone else. I grew up in a Baptist school with a conservative Christian family who always put emphasis on gay people being evil.

Whenever I would play The Sims, Fable, or any other video game that allowed me to shape a character’s life, choices, and destiny, I always seemed to make my male characters ruggedly handsome and gay. I saw nothing wrong with this because I was straight… right? I mean a developer makes certain choices available to the player - why not take advantage of it? The only issue is, I never played as the straight guy when given the option.

Well, sure enough, through these actions it seemed my sub conscious was telling me something. Why is it I never made me in RPGs? I tried to tell myself I made my characters into what I wish I looked like, but that answer never cut it. I was always trying too hard to get girls to like me but I only ever seemed to want that because it was what others wanted for me. Thanks to video games I found myself. I still play as the gay mage in Dragon Age and whenever I am given the opportunity to make a character’s facial features, I turn him into my ideal man.

When I came officially came out of the closet, after years of therapy and suppression thanks to my mother, video games were my only solace in the world to shelter me from the world of hurt and confusion I was living in. I was kicked out of my house and was forced to hop around with nothing but a few clothes and my video games. At night when the world seemed dark and there was no way out, Video games were there to make the sun shine. I spent a few years absolutely hating who I was because I thought it was wrong. There were nights I cried, wanted to die, or run far far away. But without fail the tales woven by Square, Bungie, Ubisoft, Nintendo, and countless more kept me going.

I am now an out and proud gaymer.

Games have changed my life in many ways; Kingdom Hearts helped me cope with distance from loved ones and Halo encourages me to always finish the fight. But nothing has impacted me more than being able to explore my sexuality through a controller in my hands.

I now run a gaymer group at my college, University of Texas at San Antonio, and we give a home to people like me so that they can express themselves without shame or fear as well as enjoy the greatest past time in the world… video games.

I hope to be a beacon of hope to other GLBTQ Gaymer youth. Coming out is tough and no one deserves to have to go through it alone.

  1. wanderingandrambling reblogged this from gamessavedmylife
  2. hawkelf reblogged this from thecoolmoniker and added:
    This reblog is only partially because of the gay!Bully memories…
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  5. popcultwhore reblogged this from gamessavedmylife and added:
    MY SUBMISSION GOT POSTED :-D
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