My Mom, Elizabeth Shepard

Daniel Starkey discusses how, after playing as a female Shepard modeled after his mother following her lupus diagnosis, he felt he understood her more.

I am and always have been a momma’s boy. I was raised by a single mother, and for as long as I can remember she has been at least partially disabled. When I was very young, my mom juggled school, two jobs and trying to care for me. I ended up home alone a lot and learned how to take care of myself. Still, we always had an interdependent relationship; treating each other as equals.

My mom is a strong woman. The most resilient, reliable person I know. Each time a new medical problem came up, she would come back with the same power and passion that she always had. Around Thanksgiving of 2007, though, something changed. She started slowing down. She cut back hours at work and she started sleeping a lot. By December she stopped going to work altogether, taking an extended medical leave. Then, one day she told me that she wouldn’t be going back to work. She had lupus.

My mom and I both really loved KoTOR and played both games many, many times. Being the GIGANTIC sci-fi nerds that we were, when Bioware announced that they were working on another futuristic RPG, our household was all up on that. On November 20th, 2007, Mass Effect came out and we split the cost of the game and 360.

After she was diagnosed with Lupus, I fell into a pretty deep depression. I had no idea how to handle it because I didn’t know who I could talk to. I talked to my friends quite a bit, but most of them didn’t understand. Right around new years I started playing Mass Effect again.

I went with a Female Shepard and named her Elizabeth- a character in Stargate Atlantis that reminded me of my mom. I played making all the choices that I thought she would. Caring yet pragmatic, there wasn’t a single person she didn’t help. My first run had been with a Renegade Male Shepard. I reveled in my ability to create chaos, to hold a gun to Conrad Verner’s head, and to generally mess things up with a bit more structure than GTA.

This time, though, I started to empathize with the characters. They had rough lives and they struggled to make any kind of living. Elizabeth knew that, and she tried to make their lives just a little better. She led by example. My mom’s whole life made sense to me now. Regardless of what she had and what she was dealing with, she still took time out whenever possible to cheer on and boost up anyone who needed it. It gave her meaning and it gave her purpose.

Growing up the way I did, I was often mad at the world. I thought my rough and underprivileged childhood meant the world owed me something. There had to be a reason why I had to put up with what I did. Elizabeth Shepard, taught me to find my own meaning. She taught me that I was in a better position than most to understand the lives of others. A few kind deeds can go a long way. It can show someone that there is kindness in people. It can give them something small to believe in.

Before she left work, mom worked at the Department of Human Services in the “Aid to the Aged, Blind, and Disabled” program. She took pay that was significantly below what she could have earned with her skill set and education because she believed in helping others. Knowing what I do now, her life and the work she has done means so much more. No matter what happens, she was unambiguously good, and she touched a lot of lives. I have never appreciated that more than I do now.

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